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my partner insults me.

Hi, Heidi here. Yeah, that sucks. I have been there and it sucks. ⁠

This is a hard question, because it feels like underneath this statement is a question about whether you should leave your partner or not. Or whether you should say with them. And that is not something I can answer for you at this moment. But I can offer you some questions to muse on that you might find interesting.⁠

"my partner insults me" in hand printed writing in black sharpie marker on 2 strips of paper, laid on top of some vertically striped mid toned wrinkly fabric.

When are they insulting you? Are they tired, hungry? Are they insulting you all the time or just when they are feeling prickly? Is it a daily habit? Are you reading into things that could be considered insults - or could not be depending on how you read them - and then taking them intentionally hard on yourself? Are you giving them the benefit of the doubt? Are you hard on yourself? Have you told them about how you perceive them or that it hurts your feelings in a direct and clear way?⁠

Honestly, it sucks to be insulted. But I do know as well that when you are a sensitive person it is easy to read into things. And it's also easy to think that you've talked about it clearly when you haven't if its a hard topic to bring up in the first place.⁠

If it is straight up abusive, then yeah, you should reconsider why you are partnered with them.⁠

If you are feeling unappreciated and really the icing on the cake are the insults, maybe speaking with a professional would help to sort out whether the relationship is salvageable or not.⁠

If you are really mean to yourself and then take anything others say as an offence, maybe personal counselling and couples counselling is for you.⁠

And maybe I am being a jerk just doling out this advice, but I know all too well all of these sides of the dynamic in relationships, and it's easy to get the other person pegged for some story you have in your mind, which then leaves no room for the other person's perspective, or mutual growth. ⁠

I hope you are treating yourself kindly, and are speaking good words to yourself, and giving yourself love and acceptance. If you are not, anything that people say to you will seem unkind - I've been there too. ⁠

I also know that legit abuse is abuse and if that's the case, don't bother thinking too deeply, just get out.I hope you are all in a safe place right now and are getting the support that you need. Love, Heidi


Originally posted on Instagram on March 21st, 2023.

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