how come people like you but they don't like me?

Hi everyone, Heidi here.

Well, to be clear, not everyone likes me. And secondly, woah there Nelly, I'm just gonna dump this huge bucket of love on you because right now you need it. ⁠

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Who has felt this way? This is one shitty feeling. I wish I could say that no one has ever felt this way, but the truth is, I have never met someone who didn't feel this way at least once in their life. ⁠

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It's so natural to compare yourself to other people, and be envious of them, or think thoughts like these. Why me and not them. Sometimes it's because of systemic oppressions, for sure. But sometimes it's because we get locked into an either/or mentality where it's either me or you, and in most cases, it's both.⁠

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Try to be a little kinder to yourself. It's hard being a human in this world. It's so hard. It really is. And it only gets harder when you start thinking in spirals like these. These mindsets rarely leave us feeling good. Instead they drain all the energy out of us. ⁠

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Be vigilant with yourself. Stand up for yourself. If you hear your mind saying things like this to you, take a deep breath, ground into the earth, or whatever is around you and just be with yourself first, before listening to this stuff. ⁠

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Take a moment to feel who you are. To remember who you are. That you are a complex person with hopes and dreams, and good and bad, just like everyone around you, and that not everyone is meant for everyone else. It's ok to be specific.⁠

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Even if they didn't like you, it would still be ok. Not everyone will like you, and that's ok too. You only need a few good people in your life, a few meaningful connections. Not that instagram is built that way, but intimacy is. ⁠

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So please don't compare yourself to other people. It's not always that helpful, and most times, the thoughts you go to aren't even that true! Know that whatever mood you are in you are loveable, unique, and truly yourself. Be kind to yourself. Self correct, sure but don't be mean to yourself. ⁠

Lots of love,⁠

Heidi⁠

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Originally published on Instagram on March 27th, 2023

my partner insults me.

Hi, Heidi here. Yeah, that sucks. I have been there and it sucks. ⁠

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This is a hard question, because it feels like underneath this statement is a question about whether you should leave your partner or not. Or whether you should say with them. And that is not something I can answer for you at this moment. But I can offer you some questions to muse on that you might find interesting.⁠

When are they insulting you? Are they tired, hungry? Are they insulting you all the time or just when they are feeling prickly? Is it a daily habit? Are you reading into things that could be considered insults - or could not be depending on how you read them - and then taking them intentionally hard on yourself? Are you giving them the benefit of the doubt? Are you hard on yourself? Have you told them about how you perceive them or that it hurts your feelings in a direct and clear way?⁠

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Honestly, it sucks to be insulted. But I do know as well that when you are a sensitive person it is easy to read into things. And it's also easy to think that you've talked about it clearly when you haven't if its a hard topic to bring up in the first place.⁠

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If it is straight up abusive, then yeah, you should reconsider why you are partnered with them.⁠

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If you are feeling unappreciated and really the icing on the cake are the insults, maybe speaking with a professional would help to sort out whether the relationship is salvageable or not.⁠

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If you are really mean to yourself and then take anything others say as an offence, maybe personal counselling and couples counselling is for you.⁠

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And maybe I am being a jerk just doling out this advice, but I know all too well all of these sides of the dynamic in relationships, and it's easy to get the other person pegged for some story you have in your mind, which then leaves no room for the other person's perspective, or mutual growth. ⁠

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I hope you are treating yourself kindly, and are speaking good words to yourself, and giving yourself love and acceptance. If you are not, anything that people say to you will seem unkind - I've been there too. ⁠

I also know that legit abuse is abuse and if that's the case, don't bother thinking too deeply, just get out.I hope you are all in a safe place right now and are getting the support that you need. Love, Heidi

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Originally posted on Instagram on March 21st, 2023.

i'm bored of my partner cuz i'm evolving and they're not

Hello everyone, Swetha here!⁠

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Recently a former student of mine told me that they assess their partnerships according to something I said in class a long time ago. Needless to say, I didn’t remember what I had said, but I’m glad they reminded me - it totally resonated for me (again?) personally as someone who went through one of those pandemic separations. 🫢⁠

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What I had said was: “relationships are like two trees growing beside each other. Each has it’s own roots, and each has to grow on their own. If you want to stay together, the goal is to grow together, because if one or the other stops, it won’t work.”⁠

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⁠If two people don’t grow together at some point it will be unequal, or “off” - that is not to mean that things need to end. That is a time to question if there is capacity for some catching up - can the person who has grown wait or help the other to grow? Does the other person WANT TO grow? ⁠

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I think answering those questions can be a good way to start assessing where things are going between two people.⁠

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My personal take is that everyone needs to be with who they want to be with, and everyone deserves someone who wants to be with them. ⁠

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It’s a tough terrain but trees do grow here.⁠

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Sending you all good vibes,⁠

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-Swetha⁠

// Originally posted on Instagram on February 2nd, 2023.

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