my partner insults me.

Hi, Heidi here. Yeah, that sucks. I have been there and it sucks. ⁠

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This is a hard question, because it feels like underneath this statement is a question about whether you should leave your partner or not. Or whether you should say with them. And that is not something I can answer for you at this moment. But I can offer you some questions to muse on that you might find interesting.⁠

When are they insulting you? Are they tired, hungry? Are they insulting you all the time or just when they are feeling prickly? Is it a daily habit? Are you reading into things that could be considered insults - or could not be depending on how you read them - and then taking them intentionally hard on yourself? Are you giving them the benefit of the doubt? Are you hard on yourself? Have you told them about how you perceive them or that it hurts your feelings in a direct and clear way?⁠

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Honestly, it sucks to be insulted. But I do know as well that when you are a sensitive person it is easy to read into things. And it's also easy to think that you've talked about it clearly when you haven't if its a hard topic to bring up in the first place.⁠

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If it is straight up abusive, then yeah, you should reconsider why you are partnered with them.⁠

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If you are feeling unappreciated and really the icing on the cake are the insults, maybe speaking with a professional would help to sort out whether the relationship is salvageable or not.⁠

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If you are really mean to yourself and then take anything others say as an offence, maybe personal counselling and couples counselling is for you.⁠

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And maybe I am being a jerk just doling out this advice, but I know all too well all of these sides of the dynamic in relationships, and it's easy to get the other person pegged for some story you have in your mind, which then leaves no room for the other person's perspective, or mutual growth. ⁠

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I hope you are treating yourself kindly, and are speaking good words to yourself, and giving yourself love and acceptance. If you are not, anything that people say to you will seem unkind - I've been there too. ⁠

I also know that legit abuse is abuse and if that's the case, don't bother thinking too deeply, just get out.I hope you are all in a safe place right now and are getting the support that you need. Love, Heidi

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Originally posted on Instagram on March 21st, 2023.

do you have insomnia?

Hey, Heidi here! I used to have really bad insomnia until I went on meds for BiPolar. Then the insomnia went away. But yeah, up until 8 months ago I had insomnia 2-4x a night where I would be up for half the night.⁠

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A lot of good things happened because of insomnia. I had awesome reflection time, where no one was around and I could be alone with my thoughts. I made art. I felt my feels. I read books. It wasn't all bad.⁠

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But sleep is glorious, and I'm glad to be able to sleep solidly every night of the week now. ⁠

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Who else has struggled with insomnia? What worked for you?⁠

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Best,⁠

Heidi⁠

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//

Originally posted on Instagram on March 12th, 2023

do you have an x on your birth certificate?

Heidi here - yes! I got one in the spring time after years of getting all my paper work together. And yes, it was a big pain to do so!⁠

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When I went into the Registrar's Office with all my paperwork to fill out the form, they didn't even have F to X as an option. There was F to M, and M to F, but nothing around non binary options, and this has been legal for a few years now. So I hand wrote in my option and checked it off, and brought it to the front desk. ⁠

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They made a report to their head office that F to X and M to X should be printed out as options on the form, and apologized for it not being there in the first place. They were embarrassed, and I was happy to have someone who was woke enough to know. ⁠

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Then she brought up my file and told me that my doctor who said they sent in the form actually didn't, and that that doctor lied to me about filling out the form in the first place, so I had to go back and get another doctor to fill out a form. My second doctor was appalled that all this had happened, and basically picked up on the fact that the first doctor was a transphobe and she just laughed and told me that it wasn't her decision in the first place and that it was ludicrous that there was even a form needed from a doctor to let you change how you identify on your ID. ⁠

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I called up the Registrar's Office so I didn't have to go in, and faxed in my doctors note with the case file number, and eventually my ID was changed over. So many panic attacks along the way too. ⁠

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But now I have it, my beautiful new ID which fully represents me. If any of you are wanting to change over, I hope that it will not be as convoluted as my experience, and that some system changes have been made. If not, I feel your pain.⁠

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What's your story?⁠

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Sending love, Heidi⁠

// Originally posted on Instagram on February 28th, 2023.