you are not very nice

I agree! I live with myself and I am not as nice as I want to be. I am pretty blunt and straightforward, detail focussed, while wanting to engage with the over all picture. This can totally come off as rude. It's also an autistic trait, which interests me because I have recently been verbally diagnosed as having autism. ⁠

⁠

So yes, I think some of me not being very nice is because honestly I know myself and I have inner work and unlearning to do, and some endless reparenting while I'm at it. ⁠

⁠

And some of it I think is a cultural expectation of what niceness looks like. Most of the time we look at what's right and wrong, as what is culturally acceptable, which is for the most part, through a neurotypical lens of what reality is. ⁠

⁠

I don't take this as an excuse to acting poorly - I don't want to blame my uncompliance with my autism any more than I want to excuse away any behaviour. ⁠

⁠

The thing that I find is really funny, and have a daily chuckle about is that when I am being genuine and not mean at all, folks will find that rude. Which is picking up on autistic traits, and that would be ableist and centreing a neurotypical bias. ⁠

⁠

When I am being mean and I know I am acting poorly. Because I am very charismatic and a good communicator, folks often let me get away with it. When I know I can do better. Not to be harsh on yourself, but I hope I am speaking with people who understand the line between self criticism and being too hard on yourself, and looking at yourself with loving awareness and seeing that you are in a tantrum and no this should not be ok with the people around you.⁠

⁠

You know what I mean? Maybe not, but I really hope so. This stuff is vague and detailed, and truth is often in the details. So hopefully this resonates with you and was an interesting, and best case scenario, and helpful thing to read today.⁠

⁠

- Heidi⁠

// Originally posted on Instagram on December 22nd, 2022.

are hearing aids expensive?

Heidi here - YES! Yes they are! My next pair will be 7.5K plus tax. ⁠

⁠

I need to buy new hearing aids because the ones I have now have the warranty expired as of Feb/23 and so I need to get new ones. For those of you who don't know, hearing aids are always falling apart or breaking from wear.⁠

⁠

I have skeleton c-shells, which means I have a plastic mold bit that connects to the over-the-ear part. That part can get separated from the wires, or snap in half from wear, and I am in and out of the audiologist's office every 1-2 months for something like that. ⁠

⁠

I could buy less good hearing aids for 5K but the 6.8K ones have a bit of intelligent sound design. Hearing aids pick up all sounds equally and amplify all sounds equally without that. So if I am talking on the phone and boiling water in the kitchen and there is no one in the house, I won't be able to hear my friend because the kettle is too loud. So I want to get the intelligent sound feature because it will identify human sounds and amplify them louder than the other random sounds around you.⁠

⁠

My current aids have the "good" intelligent sound design, but the 6.8K ones have the "excellent" intelligent sound design. It won't get rid of all the other hassles of wearing aids - the chaffing, the ear pain, the intense ear wax (gross, I know) - but it will make it easier to talk with people, and I like that. ⁠

⁠

Anyways, yes. Hearing aids are expensive, and I'm working on buying my next pair. No, they are not covered by medical, it's considered an extra expense. But you can write it off in your taxes. ⁠

⁠

Hope that helped any curious folks out there. What are your questions about hearing aids? I will put them in the questions for the future. ⁠

⁠

Sending love,⁠

Heidi⁠

⁠

// Originally posted on Instagram on February 11th, 2023.

do you like being deaf?

being 45% hearing can be a challenge. It can also be a joy.

I identify as Hard of Hearing (HoH or hoh). deaf is (I think? Correct me if I'm wrong) when you have 30-25% of your heating profile. Deaf is when you have very little to no hearing profile, like under 25% I think.

I'm not an expert on all things D/deaf/HoH culture, but am happy to share from my own lived experience here. When appropriate, and when I have spoons for that.

navigating the system is hard and complicated and i hate that part. i hate ppl thinking i cant hear them and getting frustrated with me when i just need them to face me and say it again. ⁠

⁠

i dont like the assumptions that im just spacing out when im not. as someone with ADHD I DO space out but when i just cant hear you and i am confused and i am not in space i am right here trying to listen fucker!!!! gahhhhhhhhh⁠

⁠

the deafie rage is real. but also so is the deafie tranquility. listening to sounds no one can hear. its a different way of listening. i feel at peace. i love taking my hearing aids off and just being. its the best. ⁠

⁠

sweet sweet relief. ⁠

⁠

there are different things you can hear when you are listening in different ways. its so nice. ⁠

⁠

++⁠

⁠

technically i'm hard of hearing. although if you're lumping ppl into 2 categories, i wouldnt be in the hearing category, id be in deaf one. its a spectrum of hearing. the whole approach to sonic interaction is heavily, heavily flawed!!!!⁠

//

Originally posted on Instagram on January 16th, 2022.