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you are not very nice


A deep red fabric background with white strips of paper on it with the words "Heidi, you are not very nice" written in black sharpie marker.

I agree! I live with myself and I am not as nice as I want to be. I am pretty blunt and straightforward, detail focussed, while wanting to engage with the over all picture. This can totally come off as rude. It's also an autistic trait, which interests me because I have recently been verbally diagnosed as having autism. ⁠

So yes, I think some of me not being very nice is because honestly I know myself and I have inner work and unlearning to do, and some endless reparenting while I'm at it. ⁠

And some of it I think is a cultural expectation of what niceness looks like. Most of the time we look at what's right and wrong, as what is culturally acceptable, which is for the most part, through a neurotypical lens of what reality is. ⁠

I don't take this as an excuse to acting poorly - I don't want to blame my uncompliance with my autism any more than I want to excuse away any behaviour. ⁠

The thing that I find is really funny, and have a daily chuckle about is that when I am being genuine and not mean at all, folks will find that rude. Which is picking up on autistic traits, and that would be ableist and centreing a neurotypical bias. ⁠

When I am being mean and I know I am acting poorly. Because I am very charismatic and a good communicator, folks often let me get away with it. When I know I can do better. Not to be harsh on yourself, but I hope I am speaking with people who understand the line between self criticism and being too hard on yourself, and looking at yourself with loving awareness and seeing that you are in a tantrum and no this should not be ok with the people around you.⁠

You know what I mean? Maybe not, but I really hope so. This stuff is vague and detailed, and truth is often in the details. So hopefully this resonates with you and was an interesting, and best case scenario, and helpful thing to read today.⁠

- Heidi⁠


// Originally posted on Instagram on December 22nd, 2022.

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