You're super present but you're also, like, brutal

Hello everyone, Swetha again!⁠

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But aren’t you supposed to be nice?⁠

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Yeeah maybe. That depends on your definition of nice. There are a lot of things I do or say in my personal space that I don’t do in my counselling or teaching space - and vice versa. Sometimes what I have to say or do as a counsellor is not “nice”- it’s brutal.⁠

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In therapy I strive to model and maintain boundaries and limitations that will positively influence the therapeutic space and my clients’ work. This is not always pleasant because sometimes it involves me saying No, or me digging into pieces and places where clients don’t want to go (when they are ready to go, but don’t want to!). ⁠

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Is that brutal? As an experience it definitely can be. I know it’s the hot seat, and I know shifting and transforming is hard.⁠

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I also believe folks pay for/seek Counselling and practitioners to move forward from something - so yes we are present, but we also have to try to deliver what you came to us for.⁠

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What has your experience been in therapy or elsewhere with someone who was present and brutal? I would love to hear what your thoughts are on this!⁠

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Sending you good vibes!⁠

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-Swetha⁠

// Originally posted on Instagram on February 5th, 2023.

i'm bored of my partner cuz i'm evolving and they're not

Hello everyone, Swetha here!⁠

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Recently a former student of mine told me that they assess their partnerships according to something I said in class a long time ago. Needless to say, I didn’t remember what I had said, but I’m glad they reminded me - it totally resonated for me (again?) personally as someone who went through one of those pandemic separations. 🫢⁠

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What I had said was: “relationships are like two trees growing beside each other. Each has it’s own roots, and each has to grow on their own. If you want to stay together, the goal is to grow together, because if one or the other stops, it won’t work.”⁠

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⁠If two people don’t grow together at some point it will be unequal, or “off” - that is not to mean that things need to end. That is a time to question if there is capacity for some catching up - can the person who has grown wait or help the other to grow? Does the other person WANT TO grow? ⁠

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I think answering those questions can be a good way to start assessing where things are going between two people.⁠

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My personal take is that everyone needs to be with who they want to be with, and everyone deserves someone who wants to be with them. ⁠

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It’s a tough terrain but trees do grow here.⁠

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Sending you all good vibes,⁠

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-Swetha⁠

// Originally posted on Instagram on February 2nd, 2023.

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staying in something that isn't good for me is killing me slowly

Hi Everyone, Swetha here!⁠

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The other side of staying in toxicity a tad longer than we should, am I right?⁠

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As I mentioned in a previous post, sometimes I tend to stay longer than I probably should - so I totally relate to this feeling. The lessons are great, being sure about walking away from situations is good, but when I’m not able to get away from something that I know is not good for me, I feel like I can’t breath.⁠

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It took me a long time to realize that feeling was anxiety.⁠

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Anxiety can take a toll on all of us, and sustained/acute anxiety can turn into a serious mental health crisis. So for me, this statement isn’t exaggerating at all. ⁠

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When I’m stuck in something that isn’t good, something has to shift, change, and/or transform - and if I can’t do those things with what is outside of me, I have to start working from within. It’s such hard and heart-breaking work. ⁠

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If this is resonating for you: don’t give up. Reach out to folks who can help you, lean on folks who are showing up for you, listen even when it’s hard, acknowledge this is hard, and give yourself a lot of grace.⁠

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All situations are temporary, some are not worth renewing or making permanent.

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Sending you good vibes,⁠

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-Swetha ⁠

// Originally posted on Instagram on January 24th, 2023.